"The Whole Ten Yards": A Pointless Sequel
Allen Johnson
Issue date: 4/14/04 Section: Entertainment
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It seems the studios only rationale for making another one is that there is a number after nine; so why not? If they felt they actually had a good story to tell, someone needs to be fired.
Bruce Willis reprises his role as hit man, Jimmy the Tulip and Matthew Perry returns as paranoid dentist, Nicholas Oseransky.
The story opens with Nicholas's wife Cynthia (Natasha Henstridge) kidnapped by members of the Hungarian mafia. Panicked, Nicholas seeks out Jimmy the Tulip and his wife Jill (Amanda Peet) to help him find his wife.
Unfortunately, Jimmy seems to have gone a bit nutty, appearing in an apron, bunny slippers and insanely concerned with having his homemade cuisine enjoyed.
The bumbling mobsters follow Nicholas and hit Jimmy's house in the middle of dinner. This sets him off enough to go into action.
The next hour is a maze of disjointed plot points and ponderous, over the top scenes. The ending is about as confusing and contrived as the rest of the so-called story.
The comedy of the film is a horrid mix of 'Three Stooges' slapstick and the just plain, not funny, "Friends"-like antics provided by the needless Perry.
There are a few moments that bring a slight chuckle. It's somewhat satisfying to see Bruce Willis dressed up in a frilly kitchen apron and fuzzy bunny slippers. He also seems to have some unhealthy affection for his chickens, who he names. To see him kissing and cuddling a chicken as he feeds it seed out of a martini glass is about as original and funny as this movie gets.
Henstridge does virtually nothing other than sit on a couch the entire film. The aforementioned chicken has more screen presence than her. Amanda Peet is painful to watch as she forces line after line at us. It seems as painful to her to say as it is for us to see.
Playing, Lazlo Gogolak, the leader of the Hungarian thugs is Kevin Pollak; who also played his brother Janni Gogolak in 'The Whole Nine Yards'. His growling, halting, sporadic dialogue is somewhat funny at first, but as the movie drags on, just becomes tiresome.
Do I really need to say, don't go to this movie? No doubt it will suffer mid to low numbers in the theatre and see a very quick DVD release before people forget it ever existed...something I wish I could do. 3/10
